My new partner favours his own children over mine ... Maree @LYF 4U
We live many lives and often have several romantic relationships with more than one parent to each family.
I meet many clients who seek help to navigate second-time-around couples' challenges which often include step- or half-siblings, parents, and Co-parents.
Im not claiming to have all the answers;
YET after many years as a couples coach this has been a significant part of what many couple- and co-parent clients face.
It adds huge strain and has the ability to end what would have been great relationships.
Hello and Welcome to the appreciated new and current followers of this community service.
So how do we navigate favouritism with children of multiple parents?
Understanding what your partner and family mean to you all is key.
You Choose
1. You choose who you want to be partnered with... and that means understanding the basic fundamentals of what you choose for your child too.
Your first priority should always be your children.Love must always be felt.
As adults we ALL need to feel valued, safe and connected to where we live.
For your children this need is tenfold. When we look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs we can easily understand the long-term psychological effects when these needs are not met.
Then, choose a second partner who is a match.
Co-Parenting : If children are involved, the romantic partners transition into a co-parenting team, where their romantic connection coexists with the heavy, practical demands of raising kids.
Children are extremely receptive, even your vibrational energy is felt.
Also, as a couple, you are doing a great disservice to one another.You are also not protecting your partner oryour children as you vowed to.
Example;
If he favors his own children over yours, does he know that he is doing it?
Have you discussed this privately since or better still before your relationship became a live-in situation.
Does he know how to avoid favoring one child over the other?Teach him what your child needs to feel met.
It's not too late to re-establish new family dynamics... and children love honesty.
Having a parent apologize and ask to reset is often all that is needed.
No one is a perfect parent, be it one partner or another; changes are happening constantly.
No one is born with the how-to parent or co-parent kit; it's something that has to be LEARNT in the name of LOVE.
SUGGESTIONS
1. A weekly family gathering is ideal, offering a space to share freely.A space to invite ideas, and if your children are old enough invite them to offer ideas to strengthen bonds.
Remember this is a fun share, so add praises, funny things, lots of hugs and an object to hold for each speaker- then perhaps a treat at completion... whatever it takes to open a friendly family dialogue..
2. Be willing to do a few things their way.
3. Compile a list of fun activities that each member of the family offers, and pick one activity each week or month. Add these to the chores you create including fun cooking or shared dishwashing time.
4. Seek help if things aren't working. Putting up with it and hoping for a miracle is not the way forward. Parenting courses can be very helpful, along with learning healthy communication tools.
5. If you want your chosen partner and family to be harmonious that includes being open to change and engaging in kind, honest communication. It means supporting each other; it means putting in extra time and accepting that this all takes time. It ain't easy, yet if it is love it is worth it.
Love it always the way forward... finding the rhythm that matches your specific family dynamics is not easy, and a coach can be the navigator for you.These are simple generic suggestions... if you seek further more accurate intimate guidance contact me
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